once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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