Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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