i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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