The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
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