Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So many bounce houses so little time
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
