OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
