My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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