how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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