The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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