dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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