it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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