Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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