Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
