Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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