A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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