Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
