Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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