I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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