Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pray to the hookup gods
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
