Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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