The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize