I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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