She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
