and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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