dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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