Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
