If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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