Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
