I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
