...so i touched it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
