Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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