Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
