You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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