I think im going to throw up on grandma
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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