Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
