I want to have your abortion
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize