After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
