I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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