i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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