I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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