I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
