btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
