I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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