yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
