I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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