Apparently you make a good broom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
