I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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