God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
