"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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