i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
