no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
