I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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