is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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