Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
