just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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