Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
