Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
