All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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