Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
