she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
