Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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