I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
