its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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