She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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